The Unexpected Nightmare of Condemned Memories

Originally written, July 18

I saw a rundown house yesterday…Shattered windows-
Boarded, to keep intruders out.
There was yellow-brown grass,
Showcasing years of neglect.
&what was left of its trim…
Exposed peeling paint,
Vacating the wood once adhered to.

I noticed each brick &their showcased cracks;
Patched, with attempts to secure the walls.
Showed no lack of effort to keep the house standing…

But on the door- a piece of paper.
Barely legible, weathered.
"Condemned," it looked to have read.
Barely passable for what used to be a house;
A dwelling to be loved &cared for.

Lastly, I saw the fence; chain link.
Noticed its open gate, enticing me to explore.

Rusted hinges, creaking in the breeze that chilled me to the core.
A twinge of unease crept up my spine,

Reminding me that danger resides beyond the unknown…
So I fastened the latch-

Protecting future curious minds from discovering truth.

Fear overwhelming, I lowered my head &scurried away.

FI: Jerry Uelsmann, Untitled 1982

Controversial Heart: Beating Despite a Meltdown

Originally written, July 16

I respect my resolve…

I’ve struggled through hideousness,
The anger that contorted who I was.
Enduring pain, lashing out, being-
A monster.
To say that I was a product,
A twisted result of conditioning-
Taught that silence meant obedience,
I sat, laid &allowed my soul to be violated.
Detesting it; who I was beneath
The pain.

So I’m shouting, at the top of my lungs
Demanding my place in reality.
Unaccepting of the people in front of me-
Illusionary beliefs were crammed,
Into my innocence laden with propaganda.
Offensive to question their teaching,
Our lifeline, our guidance, our protectors;
Passing on their insecurities, their peeves to pet,
Their desires not to be of this world;
Learning to live as a shadow,
Following suit, never asking why,
Questions begot disobedience, begot-
Battle scars; some visible, most subdermal.
Proof of insubordination, the sign of perversion,
An unwanted quality of perfection.

Louder. Stronger. Daughter.
Getting off my knees; Begging-
No longer belongs in my life.
Permission? I need not asks,
This is my life &I’m not sorry.


Vindication of the Lost Child

With the illusion of strength;
Restraining your offspring with violence
You pressured their virtue.

Now- etched in skin;
A constant reminder
Of your failure to provide:

We were,
Made in your image;
Carbon copies.
Victims chasing perfection
Dictated by cryptic standards.

Despite it all,
This vandal remains,
Demolishing generational deficiencies.
She marches towards growth, while-
Seeking solace in solitude;
The night.

Review: The Code of the Extraordinary Mind

The Code of the Extraordinary Mind: 10 Unconventional Laws to Redefine Your Life and Succeed On Your Own TermsThe Code of the Extraordinary Mind: 10 Unconventional Laws to Redefine Your Life and Succeed On Your Own Terms by Vishen Lakhiani

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I HIGHLY recommend this book to everyone; the insight you learn within these pages is priceless. If you’re tired of being confined within the rules you learned as a child, &wish to take the world by the horns &become the person you were always meant to be- this is the book for you. Live your life & do it on your own terms; &most of all be happy.

⎨Mindfully Mental⎬✒︎

View all my reviews

Shameless Courage: How Willpower Saved This Defiant Mind

Something deep down.
Compelled me to challenge the sea…

Like the flowing waters,
It came crashing like a wave.
The subtle shift in the current,
Giving way to the unexpected-
A passing sailor.

He found me…
Adrift &clinging to my past;
As though its knowledge kept me afloat.
Refusing to let go, I invited him aboard.

My raft, though small, carried me;
Rising, falling, crashing-
Below the force of the waters.
The impact of the bitterness,
Tossed my beloved lifeline about,
Threatening to capsize my mind
Beneath the pressure of its whispers.

Somehow traversing the length of despair,
Never thought I’d find another…
A human being sailing these seas;
Someone full of understanding
With an open- though timid heart,
He outstretched his hand,
Beckoning me to join him.

Pirates- vicious barbarians;
They prey on the weak, the frail;
Stealing in the breath of the trusting.
Bathing themselves in stolen booty-
The sea was full of them.
It became my beacon for life preservation,
So I accepted- tentatively.

Sailing toward survival,
Kindness… seemed a foreign concept.
A stranger, caring? Ludicrous.
How dare he believe I could be so foolish.
But I was.

With each passing day,
As the sails filled &emptied,
Catching the breeze,
Yet releasing it, just the same.
I began to notice this sailor.
The rise &fall of his chest,
As he spoke passionately of his travels.
The darting of his eyes,
Navigating the depths.
The curves of his muscles,
Meticulously setting our course.
Yet still, his heart was ever elusive.

A stormy past: a shared experience,
Joined our minds, connecting our paths.
Suddenly, the oceans, ever vast…
Ever unknown, seemed no longer.
It held no more power over me
Than my raft held wisdom.
Once lost, adrift at sea,
I learned to trust a sailor…

FI: Sarolta Ban

That Feeling When…

The sun peaks in the afternoon;
Kissing your skin with its rays,
Wrapping its loving warmth around you.

The perfect song plays just when you need it;
Unleashing your passionate inner rock star,
Strumming your air guitar like it’s the real thing.

The problems of yesterday slowly melt away;
Allowing this moment to be that moment,
That feeling when…life is as it should be.

FI: Jacksonville Fine Art Photography

Stuck In My Head

Marching to the beat
No sounds, nor voices.
But I hear it.
Dull, nearly inaudible;
But I can hear it.

An evolving tempo:
Slowly growing,
Adding instruments,
Deepening the rumble.

Earth bending,
Mind dismantling,
Knee trembling-

Then, before long, something’s-
The world’s ambient noises fade;
That is…
All but the deafening percussion.
As it draws on your thoughts,
It grows louder &that’s when:
The beat hastens your breath,
The rumbling offsets your heart,
While amplifying- the need.

Observing the changes,
Your eyes close: darting back &forth,
You see it, no words, just actions;
Your heart quickens; adjusting…
Following the tempo in your mind.

It’s everywhere, it’s everything.
Moving your limbs,
Until there’s nothing left,
But your mind,
The growing tempo,
The liberating movements,
& it’s temporary freedom.