Cardiac Arrested Development

Originally written, July 16

I respect my resolve…

I’ve struggled through hideousness,
The anger that contorted who I was.
Enduring pain, lashing out, being-
A monster.
To say that I was a product,
A twisted result of conditioning-
Taught that silence meant obedience,
I sat, laid &allowed my soul to be violated.
Detesting it; who I was beneath
The pain.

So I’m shouting, at the top of my lungs
Demanding my place in reality.
Unaccepting of the people in front of me-
Illusionary beliefs were crammed,
Into my innocence laden with propaganda.
Offensive to question their teaching,
Our lifeline, our guidance, our protectors;
Passing on their insecurities, their peeves to pet,
Their desires not to be of this world;
Learning to live as a shadow,
Following suit, never asking why,
Questions begot disobedience, begot-
Battle scars; some visible, most subdermal.
Proof of insubordination, the sign of perversion,
An unwanted quality of perfection.

Louder. Stronger. Daughter.
Getting off my knees; Begging-
No longer belongs in my life.
Permission? I need not asks,
This is my life &I’m not sorry.


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