Ended my relationship a few days back; overwhelmed by rage. My (now) ex &a friend that I had been staying with for two weeks decided to stage an intervention. Not for drug abuse or alcoholism… but for mental health. If you follow me on twitter, you know that I suffer from a collection of mental…health…dilemmas. But I’m open &upfront about my feelings &as best as I can, my thought processes.
December 20 to January 3, I stayed with the friend, I didn’t trust myself to be alone. I should have admitted myself to a hospital, but I was scared. Never mentioned how I was feeling, thinking that I could do it on my own. Instead what happened was a NYE mistake; lost my relationship, but learned a valuable lesson: I need to do this for myself &on my own. No more co-dependency, no asking for a million opinions; making decision for myself to better myself.
The NYE mistake: I ditched a romantic evening &champagne for drugs and alcohol. I know, I know, it was an easily avoidable mistake, but I misjudged my progress; I thought that if I brought just enough wine for a glass &a half to a party, that I could do both. Unfortunately, I couldn’t squeeze out enough willpower- once the drugs came out. So fast forward two days of me kicking myself only to be ambushed with an intervention.
The basic gist of their arguments were:
- My living environment is poor
- I’m making no effort to advance my life &start my career
- I’m selfish and not thinking about how my actions affect others
- I’m not making progress in my treatment
I think it was the shots at my progress that hurt the most: I barely drink anymore; it increases my impulsive/aggressive behaviour, I rarely see old friends; my major connection to drugs &alcohol, I’m taking my meds &I’m seeing a therapist for crying out loud!- how isn’t that progress?! *Big Sigh*
Thanks for your support/reading, stay strong.