Today

I tried again today…
To string together the happy moments.

But every moment is wrapped in sadness,
With fake smile for a bow.

A gift I haven’t shared truthfully.
I see you smile and they way they laugh with you.
God, how I wish it could be me; Real.
But the sadness is terrifying,
So I keep everyone at bay.

Once I’ve unleashed my sadness,
I rescind into my darkness once more.
I run from the ones I love; a paradox this creates.

For I can’t trust myself alone, all the thoughts rush back.
And someone; a part of me long since locked away gets hurt.