Couldn’t find the Words to Summarize

I wish to write to you,
But right now, I can’t say who.
You are more the life I choose,
Than the life I chose.
Though even still my heart it slows.

To allow life to shape me,
I allowed it to break me.
I thought it was mandatory,
So I sat, &I kept inventory.
Of the cuts &bruises…
&all of my excuses.
Until I found you.
And I fell.

I realize now, I actually flew.
Into a land – such déjà vu.
The land in which I was adrift.
In hand I held the pieces;
Sewing together my only gift.
Though I say; “I am but a passenger,
But I pray thee, do not shoot the messenger.”

With a heavy heart I do apologize,
For these words I cannot summarize.

I loved you more than the summer sun,
More than the winter’s frost.
I thought for sure that I was lost,
For I surely did try to run.

But my love of you was overdue,
My heart now overturned.
I met you then I never knew,
That it was to prepare for you.
I’d been burned many times before,
I was beaten by my self esteem.
Called a harlot, a slut; a whore.
Yet each time, I ran back for more.

You helped me find my worth,
Picked me up, up off the floor.
You showed me a love of ages,
One that radiates from your core.

13 thoughts on “Couldn’t find the Words to Summarize

  1. lonelygirl says:

    such a powerful poem. the words speak to me. nobody should call somebody else a whore, or a slut. i really hope your in a better place now. keep writing.

    i would love to know the story behind this poem. even though the poem speaks for it’s self.

    Like

  2. An ex boyfriend of mine &I lived together during college… That wonderful time for finding your self. -_- All I found was heartache. For 3 years, the worst years of my life. We didn’t work, yet he wouldn’t let me go. So anytime I went to leave the house for any reason that wasn’t leave going to work or getting groceries. I was a “slut”, a “whore”… I was the girl who was “going to go sit on a dick.”

    He found everyway that he could to make me feel as though I deserved only him.

    But at the end of that third year, I gathered my courage &demanded he move out.

    &through some odd twist of fate, I meet my new boyfriend 5 months later. We meshed so well as friends it only seemed natural to take it to the next level. So 12 months after I gathered my courage I had a new boyfriend who was there for me during the time when I needed a friend the most, who helped me heal from the emotional abuse I suffered. Who loves me through all my faults.

    Like

  3. lonelygirl says:

    i am happy you got up and left. i really hope he doesn’t do that to any other girl. nobody deserved that at all Emotional abuse is the worst type of abuse.

    and i am really happy you found a better person for you. this poem is really powerful.

    and i really hope if your ex ever gets a new girlfriend he won’t do the same emotional abuse he did to you.

    Like

  4. lonelygirl says:

    it takes time to heal.

    – did you tell your ex not to treat anybody else the way he treated you.

    – you have my support.

    and one step at a time.

    Like

    • I did. But I have the feeling he’s gonna do it again. He told me about his new gf… &she seems more fragile than I was. Like if he doesn’t respond to her msgs she’s freaks out as though he’s mad at her.

      But she hates me bc I’m the ex, so I can’t make a change

      Like

  5. lonelygirl says:

    i would maybe inbox her, and just give her a heads up. because even if she hates you, it might be what he told her about you. and maybe just send a message it wouldn’t hurt. i think as long as you try it will make a change. maybe having somebody who freaks out on him maybe will keep him in place, and know that he can’t get away with abuse like he thought he did with you ? you know. personally i would inbox her give the poor girl a heads up. you might get a good responds, or no responds, i would just inbox her. just tell her to keep it between you two.

    promise you, it will do something.

    Like

  6. lonelygirl says:

    I mean if my ex did something this brutal to me i would tell his new girlfriend even if she hates me or anything. i think just reaching out to her be a good step on changing it. you seem like a good person. maybe just do it to help yourself to heal. it would maybe make you feel better by telling her and if you don’t want to hear her responds block her right after you tell her. but do what you think is right.

    – good luck.

    Like

    • I did that once. I told my story (bc the rabbit hole does go deeper) to a friend that knew his ex before this one. &she broke up with him, without warning. With the gravity of what she heard she didn’t want to so much as look at him again.

      But I can’t keep doing this all my life at some point he has to start taking responsibility for his actions. &if they take a turn for the worst…. Then jail can be his resting ground.

      Like

  7. lonelygirl says:

    i honestly think you should tell it one last time. if you think this girl is more fragile then you were. that means it would be worst this time if he decides to do it again. and you know about this girlfriend it isn’t like he didn’t tell you pretty much anything you must know a lot about this girl. so in that case you owe it to her to tell her.

    and your right you can’t keep doing it for the rest of your life but it isn’t a stranger to you. he told you things about this girlfriend. which i doubt she also doesn’t know about.

    just tell her. trust me. you be saving her from this guy.

    poor girl, i feel bad for her.

    Like

  8. Carli says:

    Hello,

    this poem is very powerful. I think it speech up for everybody who been abuses before. i think it inspires others to speak up and stand up and leave.

    – you can make a big change i read all the comments above and i am very shocked that 1 he told you about his new girlfriend, and that he used to abuse you. I really hope he learned his lesson and won’t do it again. i do feel bad for this girl who is in a relationship with this guy. i bet she’s getting abuses too and doesn’t know what to do.

    – your a really strong person for writing this poem, leaving his guy. learning to love again.

    you will inspire others to speak up with their stories !!!

    Like

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